Recently I asked David Finer, a guest blogger with a focus on men’s sexual health, to write a two-part series offering tips to help couples working with challenges such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Here’s part 2!
Five Effective Methods You Can Use to Improve Your Man’s Longevity in Bed – Part Two in a Two-Part Series
By David Finer
The best way to address PE and erectile dysfunction is to find a method that is fun and doesn’t make sex awkward.
There are five effective methods you can use to improve your man’s longevity in bed:
- Switching positions.
- Going Slower When Needed
- PC Muscle training
- Edging training
- Adopting my breathing techniques
All these techniques are all about him controlling his sexual stimulation levels within 6-8 on our scale of 1-10. All these techniques are proven.
This involves changing positions from one that where he is easily overstimulated to one where he is less likely to climax quickly. The rule of thumb here is to avoid positions like doggy-style and instead, use positions like missionary and woman-on-top where there may potentially be less friction. Also, while he is thrusting and he feels the urge to ejaculate, the process of switching positions can afford him breathing space and a small window in which to “cool off” and de-escalate.
The problem with most guys is that when they were discovering their bodies during adolescence, they frequently masturbated quickly in order to avoid being caught. Over time, their minds subconsciously perceived sex (an extension of masturbation) as something that should be done quickly. Along the same lines, men can get carried away and start thrusting quickly from the get-go. Ask him to slow down and if necessary, to pace himself to thrust once every few seconds. Then, he can build on from there and increase the frequency over time.
PC Muscle Training
Pelvic muscle training entails exercises that strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor. Kegel exercises are directly linked with PC muscle training. These muscles control urination and ejaculation in a man. The more you exercise a muscle, the stronger it gets.
- The exercise can be done in the following simple steps:Ask him to try to stop the urine stream the next time he pees so that he can feel the PC muscles.
- Ask him to squeeze those muscles periodically throughout the day. He should alternate between long squeezes a few seconds apart and short abrupt squeezes.
- Do a few sets together in the bedroom.
The good thing about PC muscle training is that you can do it together with your partner. These exercises can also tone the vagina, making sex more pleasurable for both of you. Some folks enjoy using Ben Wa Balls, which when done together, can be enjoyable and sexy.
PC muscle training can also be done as you move through your day with routine activities such as sitting at your desk, commuting, or even eating your lunch. No one will notice! This exercise has been known to reduce premature ejaculation in a matter of weeks.
Edging is a type of mental training in which a man learns to regulate his sexual arousal to a point just before orgasm but without ever reaching the point of no return.
On the scale I introduced earlier, edging means maintaining sexual arousal at level 6 to 8 for a sustained period of time. The breathing techniques discussed next are vital. For a beginner, the process takes place as follows:
- During your free time, adopt a good, relaxing position with your partner.
- You can arouse him orally or stroke his penis with your hand. The goal here is to start slowly so that you don’t arouse him too much.
- Let him pay attention to involuntary (kegel) muscular tension which indicates too much arousal.
- When he gets too aroused, stop stimulating him.
- During the exercise, he should breathe slowly and deeply.
- He should also flex the PC muscle gently during the entire duration.
As he gets better, transition him to penetrative sex in positions that are less stimulating.
To master edging, he needs to change his mindset that all pleasurable feelings necessarily lead to orgasm. Help him relax and learn to enjoy the journey and the process leading up to orgasm.
You should practice the technique with him to enable him to better control his arousal level in your presence. The more you practice together, the more beneficial these practices will be.
Special Breathing Techniques
There are special breathing techniques that a man can use to practice edging. It is arguably the most effective way to last longer in bed!
The premise of controlled breathing is linked to human physiology and natural instincts. You breathe faster and shallower when you are panicky, excited or, in a man’s case about to ejaculate. You breathe slower when everything is under control and you are relaxed.
In the same way, when your man wants to last longer in bed, he should take deeper breaths when he approaches the point of no return to be more in control of his sensations.
Another breathing technique that works is holding your breath after you have exhaled. In this scenario, when your man is about to orgasm, tell him to breathe out and not breathe in immediately. Essentially, he holds his breath when his lungs are empty. This will trigger a physiological response as more blood will be channeled to the brain from the body, thus lowering the level of sexual arousal.
The Bottom Line
In order to support your partner to last longer, communicate with love and empathy. Do the exercises together and be patient as you practice. It may sound like a lot of work but soon enough, you will reap the benefits!
Hope you enjoyed this series! If you missed part 1, you can find that here. Please feel free to share with anyone you know who may benefit from this information. If this is something you’re working with in your relationship, contact me for a free consultation to see how sex coaching can help.
Thank you, David – it’s been a pleasure!